i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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