mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
