Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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