I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
