So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
