All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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