I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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