Will you blow on my dice?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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