his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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