is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
