i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
