My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
