who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
