I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
