just come out here and I will go home with you...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
