If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
