"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
