No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
