I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
