Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Terrible idea I love it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
