My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
