I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
