It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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