Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
