if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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