A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
