i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
