I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
