my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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