I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
