i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
