Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
