she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We have started to decorate penises.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
