It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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