She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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