should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
