So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
