If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
