apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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