I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
