oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They took my balls.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
