Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
