Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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