we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
