She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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