god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
