And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
