I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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