I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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