oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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