Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
