please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
