I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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