Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
time to smoke my breakfast
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
