you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I didn't shave. On purpose
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
