i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
