Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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